It is with great sadness that I must inform everyone that I will be retiring from the world of education. See, a few hours ago, I just learned that a dead 3rd aunt who moved to Senegal in the early 1900’s just left me 67 million Communaute Financiere Africaine franc (XOF) — this is the official note of the Central Bank of the West African States — which translates into about 32 million US dollars.
Of course, I couldn’t begin to explain how ecstatic I was to receive the email. And lucky, too. See, I found it in the junk folder of my account but, happily for me, it didn’t get dumped before it caught my eye.
I think the first thing I might do with some of the cash is build a school. (That’ll be tax-deductible, right?) It seems even the head bankers are not very well equipped to use the English language. They misspelled a bunch of words, used capital letters in many inappropriate places and had a couple of grammar issues as well. However, 32 million bucks is 32 million bucks, right, so for me to quibble right now, well, that would smack of a lack of gratitude.
And I have to say, I love the way the internet is going to make this transaction so easy. All Messier Francoise Antoine Jamblais needed was my full name, date of birth, driver’s license number, mailing address, social security number, and bank account routing number and poof! we were off. I expect, with all the international paperwork which he’s got to fill out, it might take a week or two to process this transaction but I gave him my credit card number to pay for expedited handling of the details so it really shouldn’t be too much longer now before I am yacht shopping.
And all this time, I thought having an education was valuable. Bull-puckeys! What matters is having rich relatives, the kind that go overseas, die and leave you vast fortunes.
Well, so long, suckers! My dead long lost relative ticket just got punched and I doubt you’ll be seeing me round these parts much more ever again.
School: when it comes to amassing great fortunes, it’s so overrated.