Look, I love kids. I have ‘em, I teach ‘em and I even make funny face at ‘em when they peep over the seats at me on airplanes and in restaurants.
Like I said, I love kids.
But crying babies on an airplane require a set of uniform rules that smartly and compassionately address the problem of negatively impacting the flying experience of other paying passengers.
From domestic travel to trans-Atlantic journeys, here are my Top 5 Tips on How to Handle a Crying Baby on an Airplane.
- Stuff ‘em in the overhead luggage bin. Carry-on luggage placed on the seat won’t make a peep and a closed overhead bin is sure to muffle their annoying wails.
- Fill their mouths with tough to chew objects. For example, no one reads the InFlight Magazine and really, how many pages could a 19 month old possibly swallow before they just resigned themselves to enduring a mouthful of print ads for crap none of us need anyway.
- Put ‘em in first class. Why? Cause screw those snobs, that’s why.
- One word: Benadryl.
- Every time the kid cries out beyond the first two minutes, the parent pays everyone within earshot 10 bucks. The kid might not shut up, but I’ll be a lot less likely to mind.
Come on, can’t someone invent an app for this?