As a writer, some days I am a machine. I mean words just pour right out of me. I’ve done stretches that begin early in the morning (cause I wake up EXCITED to write) and I’ve stayed up well into the evening with only the owls to keep me company as I hammer away at the keyboard.

Truly, I’ve had days (many, in fact) when I’ve been able to crank out well over 2,800 words. (BTW, that’s 11 or 12 pages of usable novel material… an output that, for me, is spectacular.)

However, on Saturday I just spent about 5 hours in a knife fight with my latest book with the grand word production total for the day being 340.

When I was a younger writer, days like this would really aggravate me. Truly, I’d get steamed at myself.

“You suck. You gotta do more. You are never going to hit your goals if this is all your able to produce.” Stuff like that. The critical voice which live(d) inside my head would just have a field day berating me.

But you’ll notice that I said live(d) instead of lives. The reason is that after years of doing this I’ve learned that some days are just gonna be that way. Some patches of my books are just going to pour right out of me and some are gonna be bare-knuckle, down-n-dirty back alley brawls.

It’s just the nature of the beast.

However, nowadays, instead of allowing my own inner critic to run roughshod all over my own inner world (btw, yes, I have voices in my head and they are in constant conversation — I have a feeling though that this is actually quite normal. And until they start telling to do things like “eat the neighbor’s door knocker then take off your pants”, I try to give them the latitude they need to express themselves.) I have learned to go with the flow.

The writing of each book is its own journey and to try and put preconceived notions about productivity and output on every day’s efforts, well… for me, it can prove detrimental.

In great part though, this is because I have already cultivated the muscle of self-discipline. See, some writers are, as they describe themselves, lazy. They’ll do anything they can to procrastinate. Me, I am the opposite. Give me a full day and I will seize it. This is why my own inner critic doesn’t crush me as much as it used to any more… because I know that even if today was tough sledding, I’ll be back at it tomorrow and the next day and the next and, like trekking in an adventure-filled country, I know that some days will be open road with sun and easy terrain and others will see me climbing uphill through mud in a downpour.

Obviously, the more days of sun the better — but without the tough days, I am not sure that my books will ever be any good. If they are too easy, it means I am taking on too much of the obvious — and I need to look deeper at character (i.e. making them richer), plot (i.e. crafting it in a more complex and emotionally fulfilling manner) and so on.

Okay, Saturday was tough and hardly what I would call “voluminous” (by my own standards). But I made it to safe harbor, I definitely “worked hard at my book” and even if I have to go back and re-write or toss all the work I just did, it’s all just part of the journey towards completing a novel.

And, best of all, I greatly enjoy the work. Even when writing is really hard and really frustrating and really aggravating — heck, TORTUOUS… it’s better than not writing.

Not writing is death.

BTW, this post took me about 20 minutes to write. Word count: 636 Oh, the irony. The Gods of Writing must be laughing their butts off.

And me, too.

There’s an entire industry out there promising to “teach you how to write”. And you know what? None of them can deliver.

Now sure, they can help. How much? Whose to say? But can they “teach you how to write”? Nah.

Of course, I learned this through firsthand experience. I have spent lots of time, effort and energy exploring all sorts of stuff. (And money, too — let’s not forget that.)

From writing retreats to college classes to books on the craft of writing to writer’s groups and on and on, I’ve spent years and years and years as a student of writing.

And the only person that has taught me “how to write” is… drumroll please… me.

Don’t believe the hype. (Or the advertisements in the back of Writer Magazine for MFA’s and the such.) Only you can fashion yourself into a writer.

This is because writing, in a way, is a lot like cave diving (a.k.a. spelunking). Until you get down in there and start exploring, you have no idea what you are going to discover about both the cave and about yourself.

People can describe it to you. People can sell you the gear. People can offer guidance, insight, inspiration, tools and maps but until you’ve strapped it up and spelunked you are not a spelunker. And once you become a splelunker, it’s natural to want to help others spelunk… but in your heart you know that until they actually do spelunk they will not be a spelunker.

And as we all know, you can’t make anyone spelunk.

(Gosh, what a fun word!)

Of course, by taking the classes, reading the books, surfing the websites, attending the conferences and wearing the special glittery underwear essential to the craft (hey, whatever works, right?) I’ve picked up critical bits and pieces all along the way.

And it’s the accumulation of all those bits and pieces that make for the writer’s education. But they don’t come from any one source and they certainly don’t exist in any “buy this one fantastic product now” type of package.

So yes, buy the books, take the classes, subscribe to the RSS feeds and sport the hot pink, lace writing thong… but also know that you will never be able to buy the act of being a spelunker.

Testing season is coming up — and if I am ETS (or another test-making company of like ilk) that means, it’s time to pop the bubbly.

Why? Because we are about to become a nation of bubble test takers and that means, cha-ching… cash is gonna be flowing into the coffers of the people who make these tests.

It’s like being a pumpkin salesman during the month of October — business is good.

But here’s a question. As far as I can tell, every corner of the world of education has seen the current budget crisis play a major role in their operations. At my school district, we RIF’d around 20% of the district’s teachers.

Across the state, we’ve reduced services to kids, cut out extra-curricular activities, started charging parents fees to allow their kids to play sports and so on.

But have the test takers reduced their prices for us?
Have the bubble test makers given us a break on cost?
Do we get a volume discount for literally lining up millions of customers annually?

My school is out of copy paper… but the bubble tests still cost the same price?
My school is out of toner cartridges… but the bubble tests still cost the same price?
Major school districts are literally shortening the school year whereby they will be providing less instructional hours to our most needy kids in order to make ends meet… but the bubble tests still cost the same price?

Pop the bubbly if you make bubbles… cause it’s boom time in a land where so many others are going bust.

It’s good work if you can get it, right?

The Tax Man Cometh today… so I decided to do a free webinar providing some tool and insights on using Poetry in the classroom.

My theme: Is Poetry Dead?

My answer: Heck no!

In case you haven’t been paying attention, the past few years have seen an absolutely amazing renaissance in poetry… particularly when it come to teens and their interest in reading, writing and performing (via spoken word) poetry.

Truly, it energizes a classroom in such an electric manner that to try and even describe it is simply not possible. You just gotta live it to see it.

And the truth is, it’s SO EASY to replicate in your own classroom.

Later today, I am going to talk about this, provide some free tools and teaching tips and thoughts on how to tackle the teaching of poetry and so on because hey, Uncle Sam might be reaching into your pocket today but since it’s National Poetry Month I figured why not try to put something of solid value — and of no cost — in your teacher’s bag as well.

To check it out, simply go here.

In closing today, I’ll end with a little poetry about taxes… as authored by The Beatles.

If you drive a car, I’ll tax the street,
If you try to sit, I’ll tax your seat,
If you get too cold, I’ll tax the heat,
If you take a walk, I’ll tax your feet.

‘Cause I’m the taxman,
Yeah, I’m the taxman.

It’s National Library Week! (Hooray… I love libraries. And I find librarians HOT!! But I’ll save the “book people are sexy people” blog for another time.)

Yet hey, best of all, April 15 (tomorrow) is SUPPORT TEEN LITERATURE DAY. The purpose of this, according to the American Library Association, is to “…raise awareness among the general public that young adult literature is a vibrant, growing genre with much to offer today’s teens. Support Teen Literature Day also seeks to showcase some award-winning authors and books in the genre as well as highlight librarians’ expertise in connecting teens with books and other reading materials.”

So really, if you are reading this right now, I’d like to try and convince you to plan to do something. Run a teen book talk, hold an Academy Awards style young adult literature book vote, send a tweet about YA lit… just do something to show a little love for young adult literacy.

In a way it feels as if books are in the news a heckuva a lot these days. From the iPad to the Kindle to the buzz about a forthcoming Google Android Tablet, the e-book market is on everyone’s lips. Plus, Kitty Kelly has just taken Oprah out for a little walk on the scandal side, Stephanie Meyer has a new Twilight novella coming out and me, well, I’ve got a shelf of books by my bed that is tilting over waiting for me to get to them.

If you need some ideas from YALSA about how you can celebrate, click here.
If you don’t know who YALSA is click here.
If you want to see sexy librarians, click here.

(How come I have a feeling a lot of people clicked the last link? Do I know my blog readers or what?)

Let’s hear it for the libraries, huh?

BTW, if you want to see a slideshow of some amazing libraries, click here.

Libraries: an institution I genuinely love filled with people I genuinely like.

A few random thoughts on school now that I am back in action…

–They should plan for a vakay after a person’s vakay so that folks like us can have some time to rest up after having taken a vakay. Recovering from hard work is tiring.

–How come the kids that were the talkers in class before Spring Break return to school as, yep, you guessed it, the talkers in class but the kids who were the motivated and diligent students before the break return to school looking as if they just want to lay their head down on a desk and take a nap?

–Why do so many kids clamor for vacation before it hits yet complain about how boring their Spring Break was once they return?

–Lots of teacher smiles and “Hello there, good to see you,” salutations between faculty members in the halls today. By day 3 this week — after a good staff meeting and a few memos from admin — I wonder how well these pleasantries will hold up.

–A recent article says that 84% of teachers in the state of California hold unfavorable attitudes towards NCLB. 84%? I am shocked. Who the heck are the 16%… that’s what I want to know?

– During the holiday, I enjoy the taste of coffee. When school is in session, I survive off its caffeine.

Spring Break just ended and my greatest morning fear is “Academik Slipback”.

From me of course.

I mean I am sure that my students were paragons of rigor over the break. Heck, they probably chewed on Chaucer just for fun (between PBS episodes of Masterpiece Theater and listening to NPR) but me… I did things like read People Magazine! (Can you believe that hound Jesse James? I mean Sandra… she deserves better.)

And so, before the first bell of the first period back from break begins, I gotta admit, I have a few jitters.

Will I be able to stumble through a lesson?
WIll I be able to face the challenge of a scholarly day?
Will I remember to not end a sentence with a preposition after mangling the syntax with poorly parallelized words I made up just to show off with?

Oh no, I feel it all slipping away.

Spring Break is over and… and yet I still want my MTV.

Somebody HELP!!

I mean can’t we get an Easter extension or something? Isn’t there another unfound painted egg rotting somewhere behind a nice old lady’s hedge that we can use as a ruse to stall our start of school for just one more 24 period of vacational grace?

Did I really have to set an alarm clock this morning?
Do I really need to hold my pee until a bell rings?
Am I back to eating lunch at 11:10 am every morning!?

Somebody, please tell me it hasn’t all been a dream within a dream.

Here are the books I have coming out over the course of the next 12 – 18 months…

Daddies Do it Different

This is my first children’s picture book, inspired by recognizing that, as a father, “Mommies do it one way… but daddies do it different.” A funny, very warm book that just poured right out of me. Dedicated to my daughter and wife.

Nerd Girls

Inspired by the fact that I am so sick and tired of the way that so many teen books for girls are about a bunch of rich snobs who think they are all that, I wanted to write a book that was much more like my experience in working with middle and high school teens. And the fact is, most kids are nerds.

And most kids are funny.

And most kids are awkward, unsure, confused and just struggling to make their way through middle and high school.

And most girls love to laugh.

Nerd Girls is a comedy for the rest of us, the ones who were not born with a silver spoon in their mouth, who don’t always have the latest and greatest and most expensive clothing. The ones who actually are nice, real people – the kind that are real friends.

But wow was this a fun one for me to write. And it’s going to be a series. These girls are such dorks… they make me laugh just thinking about them Yet they have such heart.

The Math Class Problem No One Ever Talks About

Actually, this title may change… to Bonerville Middle School. Why? Because that’s what it’s about, a boy who gets an erection in math class… and gets busted.

But the thing is, it’s not a sex book. It’s a comedy about the fact that about a zillion 8th grade books every year get these uncontrollable woodies that Pop Up out of nowhere – and Boner Management becomes one of the most important areas of their life.

Prepare to laugh at Bobby Conner, a kid who is absolutely tortured by the perpetual popsicle in his pants.

Cinder-Smella

I re-imagined the Cinderella fairy tale as set in modern-day New York City with a protagonist that has very stinky feet! Yet another inspired by bedtime rituals with my daughter. Fun, fun, fun to write.

Why I wrote Hip-Hop High School

In a way, Hip-Hop High School might be my most meaningful book, at least to me. Why? Cause it’s a book about heart. A book about tenacity. A book about life kicking you in the pit of the stomach and bringing you to your knees and forcing you to ask yourself, “What am I really made of?”

In my own life, I have gone to some dark places. And unnecessarily so. I took myself there as opposed to simply having these things thrust on me.

In a way, some of us become our own worst enemies – especially as teenagers – and the question becomes, am I going to live this way forever or am I going to dig myself out of this hole and do something to help myself.

It’s a stage in life when we realize that other people, our parents, our teachers, our friends, no one else can do the hard work of “living properly” for us. Each of us has a choice and there is no “not deciding” because, as the song goes, “If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.”

Push comes to shove for all of us during out teenage years in some way shape or form. This is what inspired Hip-Hop High School – and the sense of inspiration, hope, and so on that is woven into this novel makes it one of my own personal favorites.

You love each of your books as if they were your child. (In a way they are.) Hip-Hop High School was a triumph for me on so many levels. I proved to myself that I was not going to be a “one hit wonder” and instead was capable of writing a second novel. (And until you actually do it, you never are really sure.) I proved that I could tackle some of the most meaningful, hard-hitting issues in a way that felt good to me on the inside. I proved to myself that I belonged at the table of YA authors and that it wasn’t just a fluke that my dream of becoming a writer one day had actually come to fruition.

Hip-Hop High School has inspired lots and lots and lots of kids and it’s a book that I am glad has found an audience but this title, maybe more than any other, proved a whole heck of a lot to me about me as a writer in a way that not many people know – and would never be able to know by simply having read the book.

Why I wrote The Hoopster

Let’s be honest. To a certain extent, we are raising a generation of non-readers. I hate to sound like an old coot but these kids today with their computers, their iPods, their cell phones and their video games, they are just not reading as much as they used to anymore. It’s as if Guttenberg never lived.

And the consequences are dire.

(Okay, I’ll concede that kids today are Screen-Agers. Yes, they are reading their screens all the time in a literal way but it’s not the type of reading that promotes critical thinking. It’s like eating Doritos for dinner. Yes, it’s food but it most certainly lacks vital nutrition and if salty chips are all you eat your health is most assuredly going to suffer.)

Goodness, I don’t even know who I’d be if I hadn’t read some of the books that I have in my life. And many adults, I realize, feel exactly same way.

Quick activity: List your top two or three favorite books of all time… and then X them out, as if you had never read them. Ask yourself, who would you be if you had never read these works? For me I can say without reservation that I’d be much worse off as a human being without these books in my life. From Dr. Seuss to Victor Hugo to the Bible to Walter Dean Meyers, I mean it’s almost unimaginable who I’d be without these texts.

This realization is what led me to write The Hoopster. Knowing how immense the positive impact of one simple book could be to the lives of my students – and knowing how valuable it is in this day and age to be literate and be a reader – well, that’s what got my juices going. I wanted my students to read books.

And I wanted to be the one to write “that book”, the one that would turn them on to reading and make them realize, “This is cool!”.

Heck, it had always been a secret dream of mine to become an author, a dream that I had somehow put on hold as I got older, took a job, got married, blah, blah, blah.

It was at this juncture of my life that I realized I was being confronted by my own hypocrisy.

I mean I spend my whole life telling people to go after their dreams, to reach for the stars, to not let anything hold them back from striving for the brass ring and yet here I was with a dream of my own and I wasn’t going to go for it? The irony was just too thick and I knew I couldn’t have lived with myself if I hadn’t at least made an effort.

So I set to work.

I outlined. I plumbed the depths of character. But really, my whole aim was to simply gain the approval of teenage boys – particularly teenage boys of color, the hardest to reach demographic of all. (Hey, why no shoot for the moon, right?) I mean these were the kids sitting in the chairs of my classroom anyway. I wasn’t writing for the critics. I was writing for a much tougher crowd. To gain the approval of multicultural middle and high school boys.

Now that would be the motherload!

Action. Suspense. Humor. Heart. I flexed every literary muscle I could. And then I handed my novel to Dontae.

“Yo Dontae, Man,” I said in a sort of California-causal way. “I wrote this book for folks like you and your boys. Would you mind checkin’ it out?”

I handed him the manuscript.

“Yeah, sure I’ll check it out, Mr. Alan,” he replied.

A day passed. Nothing.

Two days passed. Nothing.

A week went by.

You know how when you are waiting to hear feedback from someone about something and you start to get all itchy? Let’s just say it felt like I was wearing a wool sweater knit by a fat aunt with bad teeth and lots of caked-on make-up. At day 10, I cornered Dontae in the hall. (Obviously, maturity and patience are not my greatest strengths.)

“Yo Dude,” I said trying not to sound like an addict fiending for a fix. “Remember that book I gave you? Did you even read the first page?”

Dontae looked up at me with innocent teenage eyes, the kind of eyes that always remind teachers why working with kids is the most fulfilling type of job on the planet there is.

“Aw yeah, Mr. Alan,” Dontae said in a relaxed tone of voice. “I read it in two days. And then I gave it to Richard and he read it and gave it to Joel. I hope that’s cool.”

I paused, stunned.

Oh my goodness. They’re bootlegging my book around the school.

“Uh, yeah, Dontae, that’s cool,” I said, unsure of how to respond.

“Yo, when you gonna write another, Mr. Alan. Beats that boring shi… I mean stuff in the library.”

“Uh, I’ll get back to you, Dontae.”

And that’s how The Hoopster was born.