Part of what makes teaching so awesome is the stuff you hear from the mouths of your students. I only wish I wrote down more of what came at me from my kids because it seems like at least once a week, I hear something that is just so brilliant, so insightful, such a twist on the English language that I never expected, well… it just never fails to tickle me.

Here’s one that just got passed along to me. (Always good to mix in some giggles about our profession, right?)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. When the teacher went back to investigate what was going on, she found the boy sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
‘I thought I told you to call your mom!’ she said. ‘I did,’ he answered, ‘And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from school.’

Here’s another I found on the web…

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later….. ‘Daad….’ ‘What?’ ‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?’ ‘No, You had your chance. Lights out.’ Five minutes later; ‘Da-aaaad…..’ ‘WHAT?’ ‘I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??’ I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!’ Five minutes later……’Daaaa-aaaad…..’ ‘WHAT!’ ‘When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?’

And finally… (This one killed me).

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair eating a snack cake while her dad gets his hair cut. The barber says to her, ‘Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.’ She says, ‘Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.’

Though I have not yet read this book, I immediately like this guy. Apparently he is an icon in the field of software testing, a guy who dropped out of school but was viscously determined to become “self-educated”… and his exploits are, from what the web says, “legendary”.

Here’s what Publisher’s Weekly has to say: “An informative and entertaining account of how to acquire a great education and a good job without classroom instruction…a healing balm for parents whose children are struggling in school, providing both with helpful tools.” — PUBLISHERS WEEKLY

You can probably see why my curiosity gets aroused. And then, another blurb reads…

“Secrets of a Buccaneer-Scholar is a wicked smart book about becoming wicked smart.” (Stan Slap)

Since I have not yet read the book — but plan on it — I run the risk of endorsing a heathen right now. (Then again, if you support me, you do the same. LOL!) So, why am I so drawn to this type of title? I love the “take ownership of your own education” sense that this book emanates. So what if school doesn’t work for you? Obviously, traditional school is not working for hundreds of thousands of kids every year as it is currently incarnated. (I know, I know, but trust me, lots of folks — such as myself — are working on it.)

However, just because school isn’t working for you, does that give you the license to be an uneducated idiot? Well, it certainly seems that more than one or two folks in our country seems to think it does — AND IT DOESN’T! I mean I rail on the drop-out rate hard and often and yet, if a kid came at me with a Buccaneer Scholar typeof attitude about education and school and why they were gonna drop out but continue to pursue both their knowledge and their passion, I gotta say, I’d clear them some space.

Like I said, since I have not yet read the book, I am just gonna pinch the editorial review and post it here… for your consideration:

From Publishers Weekly
This is an informative and entertaining account of how to acquire a great education and a good job without classroom instruction or, as Bach puts it, how to become a buccaneer scholar. At 20, he became the youngest technical manager at Apple Computer and probably the only one whose highest academic credential was—and still is—an eighth-grade diploma. Now in his 40s, Bach runs a successful consulting business, and his work has been assigned reading for students at Stanford and MIT. As this book makes clear, Bach is also a gifted teacher. The steps along his road to achievement are detailed in clear chunks.

As much as I want to just chill on the Friday after Thanksgiving, I know that it really is in the best interests of my students to dedicate at least 45-90 minutes to school.

Why?

Because I need to make sure that the month of December ROCKS!

See, classroom minutes are precious and the fact of the matter is, it’s way too easy to allow December to slip away into a “we are almost at the Holiday Break” mode… and class can all-too-easily devolve into a space where we are somewhat just biding our time until Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer comes to town. I don’t want that. It’s bad for my kids. It’s bad for my classroom aspirations. It’s bad for our school and for our society. December represents an excellent opportunity to turn UP the heat (not to lighten up) — to bring our A game, to intellectually work at a double-time pace so that we squeeze whatever juice there is left in the fruit of 2009 to the max. It’s a mentality more of us ought to have. (New teachers, are you listening? You might have some terrible role models on campus who will give you the “countdown til they are “free” every day for the next month but don’t listen to them!).

I want my kids to end on a BANG! not on a “slide away”. Most solid teachers do.

The Friday after Thanksgiving is thus where I take stock and devise this “plan” to succeed. (Cause without a plan the chances of actually accomplishing this are small.

It’s funny, too, because I remember my first year as a teacher how I scheduled a big test for the day right before the holiday break — a HUGE test, one that would follow through on my belief that school is not over until it’s over — and everything I did in the month of December pointed directly to that one final Ka-Boom!

And then only about 43% of the class showed up the day before the break and it was 3 weeks before I could sort out what the heck had happened.

So now I know. December 18 (and 17th and even 16th) at my school is going to have low attendance. This means that out of 14 teaching days in the entire month, I really will only have about 11 or 12 instructional days before they are gone-zo for 2 1/2 weeks.

How will I make the most of these days?

With the plan I craft on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Though it’s nice to have the day off, it’s nicer to know that when I get back, we are gonna bring some heat before the big break.

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and goodness, gracious do I need to give me some thanks for this ning. I mean wow! It’s changed my professional life.

Last Thanksgiving, I am not sure if I even knew what a ning was. This Thanksgiving, I am pretty resolved at this point to not even bother to write any more professional development books (even though a host of publishers are asking me to do so right now) simply because I am pretty much scratching every “write a book of professional development” itch I have at the moment through blogging and lurking and responding on the ning.

People think that’s crazy, too, that I might not write another PD book when there is so clearly an audience for a new title should I choose to write one. Book editors genuinely think I am bonkers.

But I LOVE the idea of freely giving away my stuff. After all, if I can help other teachers, I want to help other teachers and with all the furloughs, budget cuts, salary slashings and district layoffs – not to mention the limited classroom supplies – I feel that if I can help, I should help, no?

My literary agent doesn’t think I am so crazy though because he knows that if I don’t write PD books I will certainly continue to write books of fiction for YA’s (young adults). Part of this is because as a novelist, the whole idea of “free” hasn’t really taken off yet at all. Matter of fact, most of the novelists who give their books away free are people who are just trying to break into the field of professional fiction writing and if they do give their novels away free, it’s typically a ploy to get people to one day buy their books.

Free for them is like a marketing tool. A way of “breaking in”. (See the book FREE for more on this idea in the world of business.)

Well, people are already buying my YA books – lots of people – and as much as I may sound like some kind of commie, socialist, liberal based on what I wrote above about PD books, the fact is, I have a family to support and publishing books for young adults keeps the lights on in my house. And if I stop publishing YA books, well… let’s just say that my pay as a teacher might not even keep candles burning all too long, much less electrical lights… especially when you have kids and live in Southern California.

Look, we live in a capitalist society and I gotta sell some kinda something to keep my financial head above water so, as they say in the hip-hop community, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”

Besides, does anyone really begrudge having bought a book that they really enjoyed reading. A book that sucks, yes. But a book you truly enjoyed… I have yet to “overspend” in that area.

And so, back to the ning. Grateful for the insights. Grateful for the “time suck”. Grateful for the news friends, the incredible ideas, the growing sense of community and the expanded sense of camaraderie in my professional life.

Look, education can be tough on the soul. That’s true no matter who you are, where you work or what your position. But this ning gives me a sense of online community in a way that very much fits my lifestyle.

I am a better teacher, a bigger thinker and a more well-rounded writer as a result of my participation on this ning.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING FOLKS!! Hope you enjoy the holiday!

NOTE: I will not be posting on Turkey Day – gotta take some “chill time” and re-charge at least a little bit before the big teaching surge I have on tap. (BTW – especially new teachers – you gotta really work it come Monday to bring value to the class time before X-Mas break. I mean those classroom minutes are so precious and before you know it the holiday break will be here and your kids will be playing video games, eating Doritos and doing their best to intellectually regress to the point of mental mush after all the triathlete-type brain work you’ve been doing since they came back to school in late August – so work their tails off now and know that there will be plenty of time for them to sleep in Come December 18th.)

There comes a tiredness with having attended a big conference, a sense of exhilarated exhaustion that inevitably catches up to almost all attendees that do not live in the host city.

However, it’s the good kind of “spent”, the kind that comes with having tapped into a host of personal reserves.

For me, the draining derives as a result of a few different things.

1. All the energy inside the conference itself. You can just feel the buzz on Day 1. By Sunday, a great many tanks have been tapped.
2. Trying to attend as many sessions and listen to as many speakers as possible. NCTE starts early (well, not as early as school, but early), ends late (school doesn’t end til holiday/summer breaks – that works knows no boundaries like weekends, night and so on) and is pretty much wall-to-wall. There’s always more stuff to do and see and hear than there are hours in the day and taking advantage of all the goodies is something I always strive to do.
3. All the interactions with people. There are so many keen minds, great spirits, wonderfully generous and thoughtful and dedicated people inside the conference hall that it feels as if you are on non-stop communication bender from the moment your feet touch the ground.
4. The deep thinking. Every part of my thought process abut teaching gets challenged the more immersed I am as a teacher at NCTE. The things I think I believe have their mettle tested, the things I am seeking to learn get pumped full of juice and the things I didn’t even know I needed to know get introduced and expounded upon in a way that makes my brain feel as if it has just spent a heck of a long time at a delicious restaurant… and when I rise from the table, I recognize that, “Wow, I am really full.”

Additionally, for me, as a presenter at these big conferences, I give a lot of energy to my sessions, both in the preparation as well as in the delivery.

I also try and give a lotta love to all my book signings. Plus, I will stay in that chair and sign and sign and sign until every last person has had their book autographed. I mean I can’t tell you how long it’s been a dream of mine to become a professional author and the truth is, I still can’t believe people will wait in line to get my signature in a book so hey, if you are gonna wait, I will, too. (But really, seeing lines snake around the corner all patiently waiting to get a signature or grab a photo with lil’ ol’ me, well… it never gets old, I tell ya that.” And then to learn that Homeboyz sold out all across the conference on Day 1 in the first three hours, well… stuff like that just blows me away. I mean I have no control over how many copies of my books the publishers and sales people will bring to any event but this is now the third year in a row that Homeboyz has been flying off the shelves and I gotta say, it’s deeply gratifying – so if other folks are gonna wait in line, I am gonna sit and sign til midnight if I have to.

At the end of the day, there’s a tiredness that attends to almost any experience in life into which you deeply throw yourself. At NCTE, you work hard, you laugh hard, you play hard, you think hard (often about the people that seem to be hardly thinking when they make educational policy and top-down management decisions) and you push the pedal to the metal.

It creates deep yawns in so many, many people… but they are the satisfying kind that comes from the spirit of honest, hard, genuine, rewarding, meaningful work.

Orlando 2010. NCTE will be 100 years old. Can you say “Off the hook?”

(A special thanks to Carol Jago – though thousands busted their tails to make NCTE 2009 the magical event that it was, did anyone else work harder? You rock, Carol… and you are a gift to all of us!)

As we enter Thanksgiving week it really is a time for me to recognize how much my students mean to me. I truly am a better human being because they are in my life.

They make me smile, laugh, hurt, angry, and tear up. They also make me proud, ashamed, hopeful and fearful.

And sometimes they do this back to back to back as if it’s all happening in the same day.

But without a doubt, the kids in my classroom make me remember what it’s like to be a kid… and no matter how old you are, you never want to forget that.

If being a teenager in this world is often a journey of better discovering your own inner identity then being a person that works with teens for a living is often a journey of getting to remember the things that are both so awesome and so terrifying about life.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for the hundreds of teens with which I work every day. They may be bonkers — and they certainly drive me bonkers at different times — but top to bottom, I adore them.

Teaching teens is good stuff… and people with “real” jobs… well, they don’t know what they are missing.

Being at NCTE once again proves the point that mandatory conference attendance and professional development needs to become a prime focus if we are really going to elevate the performance of our schools.

I can’t even begin to cover the amount of dynamic, sound, invigorating and readily applicable-to-my-own-classroom-ideas that I encountered today.

From big things like learning how to better thematically connect disparate texts to one another in student friendly and intellectually smart ways to being re-energized about my choice of career paths (look, as I have said before a thousand times, teachers in America today are suffering from a crisis of morale — being the whipping boys/girls of the media as if we are the prime cause for all that ails our schools is not only unfair and inaccurate, but untrue and dispiriting as well) to encountering so many good teachers with so many good ideas in such a keenly organized venue… well, like I said, conf attendance should be mandatory in this country… instead of something so many teachers have to either beg, borrow and steal to attend – or simply miss – due to the lack of foresight by admins who rule the bean-counting roost.

I mean if we know that great teaching is one of the most effective ways to elevate student classroom performance and this entire conference is dedicated to sharing best practices (i.e. NCTE is filled with great teaching; suck as much of it up as you can while you are here because there is more than you could ever drink and only the unmotivated ever leaves thirsty) then why don’t more teachers get to attend?

Districts want better performance but they don’t want to pay for the training that will empower their teachers to deliver it.

It’s a silly cycle that we need to figure out how to break. When I look around my English Department, I realize there is not a person on staff that would not benefit immensely from being here with me… and it’s not because they are weak teachers. It’s because schools have changed, kids have changed (uh, hello — liked digitally wired and socially networked in a manner that didn’t exist as little as 5 years ago) and the world has changed.

Conferences are how you keep up.

NCTE, bay-bee!! I know I am privileged to be here — and more should enjoy the same.

So people are now being sued for libel based on the content of their tweets. And while the courts are struggling to keep up with technology — and how free speech plays out in evolving social networking mediums — there is a lesson for all to be learned, I believe, in the idea that “slander is slander”.

This article raises some interesting ideas. Worth a read.

A quality line I like in the article comes from Jeffrey Toobin, the CNN Legal analyst:

“You have a robust debate on a million different subjects every day on the Internet,” he said. “But on the other hand, is that a license to damage people’s reputation with knowing falsehood?”

Worth a lesson to teach to our students, no? I mean we have so many kids that flame one another on MySpace and FB that might not see the repercussions of just sliding over to falsely torching professional businesses, business people and so forth… that’s gonna bring out the sharks, er, lawyers.

All of us need to be aware. Seems to me the safest rule in the 21rst century belongs to what mamma used to say back in the 1100′s…

“If you don’t have anything nice to tweet about someone, don’t tweet anything at all.”

Even if they are an no brain, cankerous, lying, slutty, sum bee-yatch!

BTW, you can follow me on twitter @alansitomer… to keep track of how many times I don’t take my own advice, of course.

LOL!!

I couldn’t be more fired up to say that I just got a bid for a new book of YA fiction of mine from a HUGE publisher — one of the biggest — and to say that I am tickled would be a gigantic understatement.

So how did it happen? Here’s a backstage look at the process. (Maybe it’ll be of some benefit to you on your own quest to do the same thing if that’s your aspiration.)

1) I wrote a book.

I can’t tell you how many people I meet that tell me they have a great idea for a book. I can’t tell you how many people I meet that tell me they want to write a book. I can’t tell you how many people I meet that never write that book.

Put your butt in a chair for hundreds and hundreds of hours. Without that, there is no need to even read on.

2) I wrote the book that I genuinely wanted to write.

If you are going to be a writer, you have to stretch. You have to reach. You have demand as much from yourself and your abilities and your character and your stories as you possibly can each and every outing.

Otherwise, it’s gonna stink.

That ultimately means, you have to write the book that YOU want to write. Trying to write vampire stuff right now because vampire stuff is hot doesn’t seem like a great recipe (to me) for success — which is why my new book is NOT a vampire book. Of course, if writing about vamps is your thing, then by all means, go for it. But if you have a deep itch to write, let’s say, a little book about apostrophes and comma placement, you gotta go for it. Why? Cause there is just no way to truly predict what will be successful in the world of books, a la’ Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

Like I said, write the book that you genuinely want to write and don’t guess the market… it moves too fast and is entirely unpredictable.

3) For this book, I took a chance.

Right now I am at the stage of my publishing career where I can write a chapter or two, briefly give an overview outline of the rest of the book and take it out to my agent to submit. Why? Because I have a track record that proves if you pay me to write a book, I will write that book and meet the deadline to which I agree.

But for this book, I spec’d out the whole thing. The whole darn thing. (NOTE: To spec means to write on speculation, speculating that someone is going to want to buy your novel, so you complete an entire draft as opposed to a mere proposal.)

So why is this a “chance” for me? Because if nobody liked my book, it means it would sit in a drawer and all the many, many, many hours I spent writing it will have — well, I won’t say “gone to waste” cause there is no such thing as wasted writing, IMHO, but still… if I can sell a book based on 3,000 words why on earth would I want to write 52,384 words to see if it was going to sell?

My answer was (to myself) because I REALLY wanted to write this book and I REALLY believed in this book and I REALLY felt it was worthy of publication. That made it a REALLY fulfilling experience for me. After all, the joy is in the work, right?

(Also, I REALLY think it’s going to do quite well. At least, I hope.)

But still, I wrote it on spec putting all of my own chips on the line, betting on myself to deliver a something that multiple people would want to publish. And being that it was a complete novel, it makes it all the more attractive to potential buyers because they get to see exactly what they are getting. (Instead of me selling an action adventure book about teens who take over the CIA and then switch the novel 8 months after the contracts have been signed to a love story about a dying geriatric couple in Montana who hope to build a strong fence for their cattle before they pass.)

Don’t laugh, shit like this happens all the time to book editors.

Anyway, in order to try and take my writing career to the next level, I bet on myself to deliver, the upside of which is that it has opened a lot more possibilities.

4) The process was long and slow and hard… and then really quick.

I’ve been thinking about this book off and on for a few years. I’ve played with different stuff for a few years. I finally sat down to write it and despite whatever fantasties anyone might have about writing a novel, at some point, it becomes, tough, hard, long arduous work.

However, this book might have been my easiest in a way because it’s a YA comedy — and like a total doof, I spent many hours all by myself laughing my butt off with no one else in the room. (My feeling is, if I don’t laugh, then why is a reader going to laugh? I mean, if I don’t “feel it” who will?)

That also means that the long, hard work was also tempered by a heck of a lot of fun for me.

But like I said, the process was QUICK as well.

I showed my agent a draft. (After having a bunch of kids read it all over the country, that is. See I have a whole host of fans that I give “sneak peeks” to in order for me to make sure the novel is working the way I want it to, assimilate feedback, and so on. I rarely care what the adults think. But the teens for whom I write, their opinion means everything!)

My agent got it on a Friday, read it over the weekend (he’s GREAT!) and then gave me feedback on a Monday. Essentially, he thought it was terrific, knew right away he was going to be able to place it with a good publishing house, but also told me that it needed a re-write at the Chapter 18/19 mark because a little bit of the character’s motivations seemed muddled and in need of a bit more thought and attention in order to make sure we could drive the plot home with both the requisite force and deft touch.

I set right to work the next evening. (BTW, he was right. You gotta trust the pros with which you work and while I am free to disagree with his insights and opinions — after all, it is my book at the end of the day — I don’t want to let my own ego get in the way of ever making my books better projects — and when I heard his thoughts I knew he was right — I could do better… and so I did.)

Took me a few weeks to get it absolutely right but when I re-submitted it to him, POOF! he gave it the stamp of approval and made a plan to take it out to a variety of publishers.

That’s when the real excitement starts.

About 2 weeks ago a host of editors got the submission from him. 2 days later I heard from one of my previous editors — just a gem of a person — that she loved the book and would be “taking it to the acquisition committee” on Wednesday to float it up their flag pole because she was on board 100%.

At this juncture, a bunch of people have to read the book at her publishing house. (Book publishing is a team game.) Next move for my agent was to then notify other publishing houses that we already have great interest.

Next thing you know, we are “getting reads” all over New York because it’s in the air that this book is going to sell and if you want to buy it, you better hurry.

That was last Friday. Wednesday we got the first offer and by this Friday, the deal will be sealed just in time for a hopefully Happy Thanksgiving.

(My goal was to sell this book by Feb 2010 — so it came in months early.

Anyway, that’s the tale behind this book.

NOTE: I know I haven’t spilled the beans on any details at all yet about the book. Just waiting to have a deal in hand and the such. With the internet the way it is, goodness only knows what can happen. But I promise to reveal all the details when the time is right, maybe float the first chapter to everyone for a sneak peek and tell a few more tales about the publishing process as well as the writing and re-writing process as it unfolds.

Sorry for the long post today, but there was a lot going on. And all of this is happening right at the start of NCTE. Exciting stuff!

I am all FIRED UP for Philly! The truth is, I just love NCTE. It’s simply a home-run experience every time I attend the annual conference and I always leave a better teacher as a result of having made the trip.

Why? The people. It’s that simple.

NCTE provides me a chance to be in the same room with some of the best minds in the world of English Language Arts. I mean where else can you go to hear Carol Jago, Kylene Beers, Jim Burke, and on and on and on and on? (To even start a list like this is to risk leaving people off of it but trust me on this one — the BEST and BIGGEST and MOST BOLD thinkers in our field will be in the City of Brotherly Love determined to share some of their brotherly/sisterly love with everyone else. It smokes!)

A search of this year’s program is tortuous though. I mean I want to go see this, but then I want to go see that and then I am scheduled to be over here but I really want to go over there as well… and on and on and on.

(A little shout out to Carol Jago for that one, too — as the prez, I guess she gets to get mentioned twice in this post — and her “team” of course… can’t forget them. So many people work so hard for so long to put this event on that I gotta give the unsung heroes need a shout out, too!)

BTW, have you ever seen more rockin’ authors made so accessible to dweebs like me gathered in one place? Look, when it comes to writers, let’s be honest… I am a bit of a groupie. Jeff Kinney, Sharon Flake, Junot Diaz, Gordon Korman, Tracey Kidder, Laurie Halse Anderson, Sharon Draper, Patrick Carmen… I could type for hours!

And they all sign books in the Exhibit Hall. Where else can you find that?

Ah, the Exhibit Hall. (Deep breath!) Can I tell you how much I love that part of the conference? I get to shop and browse and dream and think and weigh and consider — and get free stuff! (Yep, just work it, people… that’s how it’s done… work it!) I swear, the NCTE Exhibit Hall is like an amusement park ride for English teachers and I wish we all got to take it more than once a year.

Of course, at the end of the day it’s the other “real teachers” like me that I get to meet from across the country that makes it the most special. The workshops may fill my brain but chillin’ with English teachers fills my soul. Attending NCTE is a chance to listen and learn and exchange thoughts, ideas, gripes and possible solutions with so many other “front line” educators that it never fails to create in me a sense of real professional camaraderie. (And how rare is that?) NCTE is a feast for the human teaching spirit and unfortunately, I believe that our profession is, in a way, suferring from a crisis of morale. But those who attend NCTE get that shot of teacher juice which energizes, refreshes and reinvigorates them — and it just can’t be bottled or obtained in any other way.

You wanna know how I always feel when I leave NCTE. This kinda decent writer I once ran across probably says it best:

Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more!

NCTE reminds me why I love this job. It rejuvenates my batteries and inevitably, I return from the conference just thrilled by the idea of returning to my classroom.

Get there if you can or try to link in via social networking, their website, their twitter hashtag, the blogs, whatever.

It’s an important event for the profession — and for our communal spirit.

NCTE has got the WOW factor… and I am so FIRED UP!

See ya in Philly.